Hot Off the Press! Who Is Britain’s Sexiest Right Wing Journalist?

Britain is rightly proud of its array of right-wing journalists, whether they are investigating the fine technicalities of monetarist policy, uncovering political correctness gone mad, dissecting Coalition policy, or apologizing for using the ‘n-word’ after denying they ever said it. But they aren’t just a bunch of brainboxes getting angry on your behalf! No, they are some of the HOTTEST hunks never to grace the Mail’s sidebar of shame. But who’s a scorcher and who’s God’s punishment for gay marriage? YOU decide.

Fraser Nelson

Yes, I’m looking at YOU

The Scottish Hugh Grant has everything a woman needs, from the playful foppish hair to the soft smouldering accent, as playful as the flame of a candle at one of his favourite posh London restaurants.

What’s more, Naughty Nelse is more than a touch liberal with his economy!

But ladies who want their fella to be gentle between the sheets, fear not. Fraser might be right-of-centre but only delicately right-of-centre!

He’s the Spectator’s leading fanny magnet but is he your number one?

Favourite Sport: rugby union
Favourite Romantic Drink/Meal: As long as it isn’t anything from Brasserie Chavot – their foie gras is ghastly!
Pros: the crispest shirts on Fleet Street; a late 90s James Bond
Cons: dabbles with the centre a little too much
Surprise Fact: Fraser can’t live without his favourite Corby Trouser Press!

 

Patrick O’Flynn

You’ve pulled sweetheart, get your coat

Poutin’ Pat is the rebel’s rebel.

As pointed out, the former Chief Political Commentator and Political Editor for the Express and now Director of Communications for UKIP, stands outside the media and political elite. Going by the nickname of the “Fleet Street Silver Fox”, ladies will never get enough of his cunningness if you know what we mean!

Favourite Sport: cricket
Favourite Romantic Drink/Meal: a pint with steak and chips
Pros: a bit of hard hitting journalistic rough
Cons: he might have an Irish surname
Surprise Fact: Power Pat can do the most one-armed press-ups on Fleet Street, narrowly beating the Guardian’s Michael White! Take that, liberal elite!

 

Simon Heffer

Yes, I have a painting of me and I’m not even dead!

The flowing curly copper locks, Simon has always been at the forefront of the latest in hipster geek chic!

He may look all nerdy but he knows how to give it Like the Roman!

Favourite Sport: cricket
Favourite Romantic Drink/Meal: Beef Wellington and a mid-priced bottle of white wine
Pros: the righteous anger appears to be genuine
Cons: has possibly had one Beef Wellington too many
Surprise Fact: Horny Heff has the largest and most varied tie rack in the history of British journalism

 

Peter Oborne

Stop imagining me in my Daniel Craigs

“Sexy but serious”

There’s simply no other way to describe him.

So, ladies, if you want to win Pistol Pete’s heart, you’d better have read all the books on the history of Zimbabwe, English cricket, and the political elite, otherwise you ain’t nothin’ sister!

But don’t for one minute think that under that stern exterior, P-Obo isn’t about F-U-N too. He may take you to Wimbledon for a glorious afternoon of tennis but guess what he can do with strawberries and cream! Phew!

Favourite Sport: cricket and tennis
Favourite Romantic Drink/Meal: anything classy but not too extravagant
Pros: the furrowed brow gives him the look of a buff SAS officer
Cons: rumoured to have never once smiled; may insist on reading in bed
Surprise Fact: Peter uses small curlers to keep his good head of hair from being too straight

 

Dan Hodges

Mmmmm it’s The Hodge

Does he hang Right? Does he hang Left? We don’t know but Hunky Hodge is a big enough to manage that unpredictable swinging both ways – without even using his hands! And guess what? It drives all the girls WILD!

Favourite Sport: cricket
Favourite Romantic Drink/Meal: a nice bottle of continental beer and a picnic
Pros: understands the Common Man
Cons: might be a touch too Labour at times; beer tastes are suspiciously EU
Surprise Fact: Dandy Dan once starred as Queen Elizabeth I on TV!

 

Nigel Farage

Yes, this is Nigel’s most up-to-date photo from the European Parliament

The People’s Beefcake.

Why do you think the Express call his MASSIVE column “Farage on Friday”? Because it’s the end of the week, girls, and it’s when Fruity Farage likes nothing more than a classically British evening of dancing – with a dance partner! And guess what ladies? He likes to get his leg over in his fave dance, the saucy Argentine Tango!

And he’s impressed more than a few when he whips out his special Member of the European Parliament!

Favourite Sport: rugby union
Favourite Romantic Drink/Meal: a pint with steak and chips
Pros: the most British man writing in the mid-market press today
Cons: a suspiciously sounding foreign surname name; if it goes back to the medieval French influence at court it might be a ‘pro’ but it sounds a touch like he might be from Belgium
Surprising Fact: Nigel is quite fond of Romanian wine

 

So, who do YOU think is Britain’s Sexiest Right Wing Journalist?

 

A STATEMENT: WHO MISSED THE CUT?

There has been an outcry about those who missed the cut. We would like to justify some non-inclusions.

Tim Stanley

Dashing? AND THEN SOME!

There’s no doubt  Tender Tim, 17, will be leading the way not only as a clever clogs historian but also as one of our top baby-faced journo-hunks. However, Saucy Stan is not yet experienced enough and the perception is that he may lack the proper maturity between the sheets.

 

Ed West

Yes, the stubble IS designer

Undoubtedly has the rugged good looks, the charm and a modern haircut but being religious might, sadly, put off some of our more raunchy readers.

 

James Delingpole

Call yourself “hard”. Come and get some!

Sure he’s got the BIGGEST man-made environment and he is 100% pure British beef but he’s been left off the list because he is, if anything, too manly and he is known to shout permanently…even when talking about museums! Big worries this Fleet Street bruiser would headbutt someone when on a romantic date – just for staring at his pint.

9 thoughts on “Hot Off the Press! Who Is Britain’s Sexiest Right Wing Journalist?

  1. Pingback: Who’s Britain’s Hunkiest Liberal-Left Journalist? | UK Interdependence Party (UKIPs)

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